


Seven Years

by jevilier



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:19:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7777594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jevilier/pseuds/jevilier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love has no formation and no essence.<br/>But Eggsy has spent seven years to figure it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seven Years

**Author's Note:**

> This was unbeta'd and I wrote it with so many feels so I apologize in advance for any mistakes that I may (definitely tbh) have made.  
> I hope you enjoy and your opinion is really appreciated.

 

**1.**

“Mornin’ sir, I’m a new student. Gary Unwin.”

“Ah, I have just received a notice this morning. My name is Harry Hart, welcome to Kingsman High school, Mr. Unwin.” 

“Nah, just Eggsy will do. _Mr. Unwin_ is way too posh for me.”

“Pardon me?”

“It’s Eggsy.”

 “Well, then. Eggsy, it’s a pleasure to meet you and welcome again.”

Then Harry gave me his hand. I took it.

I remembered meeting him on a very ordinary rainy day of London, when it was gloomy and he came like radiant summer days, mildly and full of tenderness. I could barely hear the sound of the rain pouring outside then, there were only his smile of suave gallantry and indescribably captivating voice flooded my perception. And of course, how could I forget the reassuring feeling of his hand that made me feel like I was buried with regret of letting go.

 

**2.**

Everything in New York is better than it was in London. The sky was bluer and even the colour of surrounding views was more luminous, New York is crowded and so lively, so buoyant and so, me. I fancied that I have been so fond of this city just by the idea of its, I thought it could be the city for settling down.  I started working, meeting people and making friends, I’ve spent my time in a way that many people are dreaming of, having all the things I could ever ask for right here or just outside that door. This city has given me opportunities as well as a whole new life.

Everything in New York was better than it was in London, now I couldn’t remember how many times I have used this as a solace for myself.

Yet somewhere deep inside I knew apparently that what I have left behind in London could never be found here in New York. Every rotting and forgotten fragment of memories which I once had there were filled up with my eagerness of juvenility, with an engraving of a person who had drained my soul for a disquieting feeling of loving endearments that cut my chest wide open every single time I think of. I trembled in nervous frustration as the image of bright sunshine beams came in the middle of dreary rainy day unwound in my head, and I could recognize his scent, his touch with my eyes shut but heart was unclosed.

Every time I found myself standing still at the crossroad, looking at all the people hurriedly passing by, it always gave rise to the insecurities in my consciousness. As if unexpectedly he would appear among those strangers and then vanished in just the blink of an eye, and no matter how hard, how desperate I tried, he could never be reached. As if I was just standing there, hopelessly watching him walking out of my sight, or worse, my life. I was scared because I knew that I couldn’t bear this kind of torment once again, that the wound in my heart hasn’t been healed and was easily cracked open.

I ran away from reality but in my dreams, it has always been me standing at that crossroads and the traffic light had only yellow. I was torn between the urge of staying or leaving, drowning in panic and choked by fear. And every time I woke up in the middle of the night, the tears from my nightmares had already swelled up in my eyes. Only when the freezing water stream poured down my body, I finally believed that I was not living in those days from the past anymore, but then I looked at myself in the mirror wondering: so where am I to be exact?

 

**3.**

If there was one day on which I misstep and fell off a brink, there wouldn’t be death waiting for me.

Because I had been long dead for years before. Death has been wriggling under my skin like poison leaked out from a festering wound and went straight to my heart, numbing my nerves and burying any kind of ecstatic prospect I once had in mind. I didn’t know a person could live without his heart until I lost him to someone I could never blame. And what a foreign creature I am, breathing with a soul has ceased to exist.

Human’s brain is full of irony, it sometimes erases things you need to remember and intently evokes what you want to forget. For me, it was everything about Harry. His eyes, his smiles, his voice, his touch, his being. There was a time when I didn’t even know whether it’s a favor or a torture having him in my  head, but eventually I realized that it was me who couldn’t let go, didn’t want to let go. This endless pain was what I voluntarily suffered. And whenever I thought back once again to myself and Harry all those years before, it always amazed me with how much I could actually remember.

.

“Haven’t made any new friends yet?”

A voice came from behind and I had almost jumped in surprise because of his sudden appearance before I was able to manage my answer.

“I have,” I turned to look at him, trying to keep my voice sounded as normal as it could, “Ryan and Jamal, yeh class.” 

I heard him hummed in acknowledgment then took a step forward, standing next to me.

“Then I believe you do have a proper reason to sit here alone while your friends are having fun out there?” His hazel eyes retraced their path to the soccer field where all the enthusiastic and rowdy noises came from.

I unglued my eyes from him then followed his gaze to look at Jamal who has just scored the first goal for his team and cheering in over excitement, wondering what should I tell him then? That I ran away from those scumbags of my stepdad and sprained my ankle, or my torso still hurt as fuck because of that bastard’s kicks from last week? Or I was just so tired and exhausted from staying up all night to appease my high as fuck mom? No matter how much I hated them, they’re not something I could say out loud. I hadn’t had enough time to consider my thought before made my answer verbal, the words just slipped out of my mouth, ridiculously.

“It’s too sunny.” I said.

And regretted immediately.  I closed my eyes and breathed a long sigh of disappointment, waiting for his judgment on my discernible lie, but there was nothing. Harry remained quiet and suddenly sat down along my side. I, for some reasons, didn’t dare to speak a word, keeping my mouth shut and surprisingly enjoyed his understanding silence.  And right at the moment I started getting used to the surrounding tranquility, Harry broke the quiescence with his whisper in my hearing.

“You are right. It’s rather a sizzling hot day today.” And it was London he had been talking about.

I gazed back at him, brows knitted in a frown full of bewilderment. The man has already closed his eyes, tilting head backwards, indulging the caresses of those infrequent tender mild winds of London.  His dark eyelashes were so long, shadowing his cheeks and painted a masterpiece on his face. I looked at him attentively as my heart skipped a few beats and then thundered. I didn’t realize how safe he made me feel until I found out my lips had curved into a noticeable smile because of his firm yet tender guise.

“You don’t have any classes to teach?” I asked.

Harry opened his eyes but didn’t turn to look at me, his gaze remained on the field as he answered.

“Too slothful.”

I was stunned for a brief moment then burst out laughing, wondering how he could be so calm as if it was the most ordinary thing to say.

“I supposed that’s my line.”

“Oh Eggsy, I believe our society has have its equality long enough for anyone to express how they truly feel. And I am, indeed, quite lazy for now.”        

 I giggled at the seriousness in his voice and my smile was so wide that actually hurt my cheeks.

“Okay, you won, I hope you enjoy your leisure.”

I wallowed in his smirk of delight and somehow clean forgot about all the traumas weighted my chest. We sat together for a few more minutes saying nothing until I heard my name had been yelled by Ryan from across the field. I waved my hand at him as my realization and rose on my heels.

“I gotta go.” I told Harry.

He nodded at me without a change of his posture. I was about to say something more but I couldn’t figure out a proper thing to speak so I chose to stay quiet. I knew his eyes didn’t leave me even when I approached Jamal and Ryan’s spot because when I turned around, there was still a fluttering feeling in my stomach that his look had caused. And I also have been lingering my regard on him.

Then and sometimes, the present.

 

**4.**

I have pictured hundreds, thousands of images in which Harry has never appeared, however, it turned out to be even worse as a life without him at all. There has always been an excruciating sensation that I wanted to but could never admit that it was there to be coped with. Even though I needed it to remind me how distressed I was,  I still buried it so fast with all the little shimmering pieces of memories I had from the past, and tricked myself with those vague adoring moments that I have been holding on too dearly, agreeably letting myself being wrapped in them.

My love for Harry was a punishment in which I had to break the time’s wings every time it was about to fly. 

.

“Eggsy, you’re in the bottom of the class, again.” He said, comfort and appeal filled his voice.

His elegance was the thorn. And he was well aware that his dislike of my negligence, his delight in refine choice of manner, were futile. He was a plant without roots but grew so vigorously within. I didn’t make my respond forthwith, instead, I glanced outside the window, being entertained by the scene of the twilight dyed the sky with flame colour.  

Harry looked at me in silence then heaved a long sigh of giving in. He took off his glasses, dropped it down carelessly, resting his elbow on table with face on palm. I finally turned to look at him and the tiredness in his eyes hammered my heart.

“Eggsy, if you don’t attempt to make any remarkable progress, you won’t be able to graduate.” He talked to me with the gentlest tone that made me highly doubt whether it was a proper attitude toward a perverse student like me.                

I lowered my head, avoiding his eyes as I started to speak.

“I’m sorry.” And I nearly heard the time shattered around me at that moment.

It has been a very long time since I last apologized to someone, and I didn’t remember that it was this difficult just to look at him. I did nothing wrong, I knew it, but I disappointed him. I did nothing wrong but nothing right also.

.

Harry knew about my family’s state of affairs when he found out a hand-shape bruise on my neck which I had tried to hide under my turtleneck shirt. And he was furious. I didn’t know why but Harry being infuriated actually made me genuinely happy. I was thankful that he didn’t make me talk about it or tried to dig deeper. Harry quietly chose to protect me in preference. Without realization, the amount of my group projects have been increasing that required me to spend more and more nights at Jamal’s or Ryan’s place, and sometime us at his place. He introduced and encourage me to join as many school clubs as I could, Harry unsurprisingly was the one who discovered my potential and fondness for gymnastic.

He kept me busy every day with his discourse about classes, books, mythologies, history _, his stories_. And whenever I was with him, I wish the time would stop. My feeling for Harry was so clear and I was so proud to think of it.

_I love Harry._

It was a rare unclouded day when I was walking through the hall, heading to my next class, and I heard Harry’s name from Ms. Morgan, my Renaissance Literature teacher.  Then I didn’t have any idea of how did I manage my steps as I was leaving in lurch. My world collapsed and everything was crushed into pieces. My heart beat with shallow rhythm and pain clenched my nerves.

They were getting married.

_However, I understood it was a senseless dream._

.

“Apology accepted,” he said in apprehension, “Now would you bother to tell me what is wrong, Eggsy?”

 _Everything_ , I wanted to say.

The pervasive atmosphere of this room has absorbed the raw essence of my desperation. It was a dangerous sort of move. Still, I reached out for his hand, feeling his body tensed up under my touch and eyes widened in astonishment. But he didn’t withdrawn.

“Harry,” his name sounded like a prayer on my lips, “why it can’t be me?”

Hopelessness clung to my voice and I was crushed under the stress of anger or grief, or both. That was the first time his name was no longer a painkiller for me. Harry’s mouth partly opened in shock and I wished I could release a silent scream of rage, at myself. What the fuck did I just do? I destroyed everything I had left with him, everything that meaningful and I’ve cherished so much.

Bitterness pounded through my body as I stepped back, turning around and rushed out the door before Harry could utter a word. I ran through the hall and I didn’t know that it was this painfully long, almost endless. My breaths came in short pants, feeling my lung was burning. I couldn’t avoid the smoke that rose from the smoldering air, and a tear rolled down my cheek.

Why was it, I wondered, that I always felt defenseless in Harry’s presence?

What if I didn’t come here? What if I didn’t get to know him? What if he was not my teacher and me have never been his student, would there be any difference?

Would I be better?

 

**5.**

Hiding was a coward thing to do but I’ve been avoiding Harry for days. Actually, I didn’t realize that was what I’ve tried to do until I noticed that I had been quiet clear-headed for a long time. Being discerning was never a trend with me, I’ve tended to act like a wanker every time I was around Harry, and I had always been around Harry, before.

It was not that I didn’t know about Ms. Morgan. She was three years his juniors and has been his friend since Cambridge, along with a bald man named Merlin whom I had met several times at Harry’s place. And Harry also had talked to me about them, how they usually spent holidays at his parent’s house in Grayshott and how his parents had a soft spot for his only woman long-time friend, my heart twitched every time, and what scared me the most had finally happened.

One day about two weeks later, when I was beginning to drowse on a bed in the infirmary, came a familiar voice that almost made me fall to the ground. _Harry_ ’s.  

“Ms. Seyler?” He asked for the school nurse, who has just left to grab a quick lunch, “can you give me a plaster, I’ve just got my finger…”

And he dropped his sentence as my appearance caught his eyes. I didn’t think much back then, looking his hand covered in blood bleached my brain. I rushed to the first aid kit under Ms. Seyler’s table, working with a regular process. I put his hand under the faucet to rinse off the blood, wiped it gently with sterile gauze and stuck a plaster on. Luckily, the wound wasn’t deep and the blood stopped as soon as I put on the bandage.

“You’re good at this,” He finally said, nearly a whisper, and expectably my heart skipped a beat, “thank you, Eggsy.”

I let go of his hand, feeling the warmth of color invading my cheeks. I turned away. Suddenly, my hand was held so tight and felt so small in his large rough palm, he pulled slightly, forcing me to face him at once.

“Eggsy, you have been avoiding me for weeks.”

“I didn’t.” I countered weakly.

He raised his eyebrows in judgment, I hated when he did that. Despite my burning cheeks, I eyed him coolly, keeping my voice away from shaking as I asked him challengingly.

“Yeah, I did, so what? Ya gonna give me a detention?”

“Now I’m curious where did you get that idea from,” he said, “No, Eggsy, I’m not going to send you to a detention room. I just uprightly want to be enlightened about what is happening between us.”

 _Nothing_ , now that I wanted to say. 

Nothing was happening between us and that felt so wrong for me.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” My voice sounded devastated and Harry released my hand form his grip. My blood ran cold.

He let out a long sigh and nodded for me to back down. Why he looked so sad? He didn’t have to be. As a feeble effort to deal with this dull heavy moment, I cracked a reluctant smile.

“Ya know, final tests are coming,” I waited and he nodded.

“And I hope you have been doing a real study lately, my dear boy.”

_Fuck. You don’t have rights to call me that anymore._

“Wanna make a bet?”

“A bet?”

“Yeah, a reward If I’m top of the class this final.” I glued my eyes on him, trying to keep my voice in acceptable range. There was a brief silence before he answered me.  

“Anything.” He said firmly.

“What?” I didn’t think I could catch up with Harry’s thought at that moment.

“If you are top of the class this final, I will do anything you want, give you anything you ask for as long as it’s in my capability.”

My mouth dropped. I didn’t expect him to be this serious, it was a joke, well, half joke. But I had never thought that was what he would say.

“Anything?” I asked.

Anything, was his answer. And I was top of the class that year.

 

After that afternoon, we had no chance to be alone until there was a brief interval after the last period in the morning on a day a week before the graduation ceremony. When Ms. Seyler left for her lunch, I met Harry again at the infirmary. For some reason, the feeling like we were doing some underhand things made me excited and anxious, but mostly excited.

“You worried?”

I asked as gazing him leaning against the wall next to the opened window. He looked so tall and alluring with clear, mild brown eyes and soft yet distinguished features. His dark suit fitted him perfectly to every line, adding more sins to his appearance.

“And what should I be worried about, Eggsy?”

“Your promise with me, that bet.”

He smiled at me, “No, Eggsy. I know you could do it. You're full of surprises and I had no doubt about what you are capable of.”

“Then why?”

“A reward, as you have said,” _I don’t like what you are saying_ , “You deserved this.” _I hate it._

I remained silent as his look relocated from the view outside to lay on me. “So, what do you want Eggsy?”

 _You_.  I screamed in silence.

“You’re getting married,” I said as if it was an accusation, “aren’t you?”

Yes, he was getting married, to Ms. Morgan, to his best friend, at his parent’s will and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. I felt tears in my eyes and under that pain of helplessness, beating a heart primed for breaking. I clenched my fists so tight that the nails left marks on my palms, like it was the only way for me to be conscious.

“I am.”

And I was broken.

I threw myself into him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as I pulled him close, smashing my lips to his for a clumsy, forlorn kiss. His eyes widened in shock but I couldn’t bring myself to care anymore.  The kiss was all teeth and sloppy as fuck but I was kissing him like my life depended on it. Our lips pressed so hard against one another and I darted my tongue out, licking, demanding an access. As soon as I noticed his lips parted, I slid my tongue in without any delay.  Our kiss eventually turned out to be full of our tongue mingling and tangling together passionately.

Didn’t know after how long, I moved my shaky hands desperately gripping his face to his shoulders as I gasped in gauntness then I pushed him away from me. His eyes still vague and lips parted, panting. Tears seeped down my cheeks. I withdrew sharply and running to the door. At the moment I touched the door knob, I heard my name from behind in the kind of tone that I’ve never known before.

“Eggsy.”

I didn’t turn around, closing my eyes in protest.

“Do you love her, Harry?” I asked, voice trembling.

Up to now, I just couldn’t help thinking about what had happened the day. In my heart it seemed as if the sun had never stopped shining in London, but was shimmering brightly. And the beam of lights seemed to merge into the form of Harry’s face. And I remember my question for the being of both of us.

He said no lies, he said nothing.

 

**6.**

I booked the earliest flight leaving London the next morning.

 

**7.**

There were some people who like a big piece of your life, you thought you’ve loved them so much but in the end, you were not mean to be. Because they were a big piece, too big to fit into any prospects of yours.

Seven years later. For the first time, I returned to London. Seven years.

I stood outside the classroom but really close to the door, watching the image of a person and listening to the voice has been haunting me every night, in every single dream. Harry stood there, a life time away from me. He was stunned by my appearance, and only when his students started to questioning about his reaction did he begin breathing normally again. And I smiled at him.

.

“It has been a very long time.” He said, holding a cup of coffee with both hands, and his voice still made my heart trembled.

The tree shadowed us and the sky had its ashy gray as usual. Kingsman was the same, nothing has changed as what I remembered, but I did notice there were more wrinkles at the end of his eyes but only found that they actually made his look softer. I nodded in agreement, avoiding his eyes, avoiding being trapped in his presence. Since when did he drink coffee instead of tea?

“How have you…”

“I came to give you one thing, Harry.” I cut his line, “and I will leave.”

He looked at me the foreign way he did on a day we first met when I told him my name. And it struck my soul with the endless endearments. I took the white matte envelope out from my suit jacket’s inner pocket, it weighted like the world, and carefully handed it to him. As soon as Harry took it, I pulled myself up into a stand and about to take my leave. Harry didn’t catch up with my movements right away, he was still staring at the envelope in his hand, questioning, worrying.

“Eggsy!” He called my name, and undoubtedly I was trapped.

I stopped but didn’t turn my head a round, there was not a single sound and from that I knew Harry wasn’t making any move further.

“I didn’t get married, Eggsy.” His words must have hit my lungs so hard as I couldn’t respire anymore.

I turned cautiously to look at him, and desperation was filling his eyes.

“What?” That was the only thing I could manage to utter.

 “I did not get married, to Ms. Morgan, to anyone,” he repeated. “I came to see you the next day but you didn’t go to school. I came to your house and your mother had accused me to steal her son away, I waited at your friend’s places but you didn’t show up once. I made tons of calls, travelled through the country but you were nowhere to be found. Not a single day went by that I didn’t regret about letting you go that day, Eggsy. ‘I am not getting married”, that was all I wanted to tell you. ”

Harry words came like a hurricane, carrying a familiar pain from all the dreams I had to reality and I thought I almost fell on my knees.

Standing there in the chilling breeze predicted an upcoming rain, I felt the cold like the sword thrust straight through my body. Not until the first raindrop fell on my face did I know that I had been holding my breath the whole time.  And I struggle to gasp for air.

Seven years of mental torment, seven years of regret, seven years of nightmares. _Because of nothing_.

“Harry,” I talked with my last strength, “open that envelope.”

“Eggsy…”  

“Fuck, Harry! Just open that bloody envelope for God’s sake!” Rage welled up as I yelled at him through the pouring rain.

He did, and I saw myself in him seven years ago the day on which we last met in that infirmary room. The rain and blowing wind stung my eyes but I didn’t dare to blink. I watched him carefully as he looked up to face me.

“You’re getting married.” I didn’t hear him clearly but I could read his lips, understanding his expression.

“Yes, I am.” I whispered as an answer but I knew he could hear me too well.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. And in my head, dying was an affranchise from this excruciation. Harry took only two small steps to stand inches away from me. He reached for my face, cupped it gently in his hands.

“Eggsy, do you love her?” He asked.

And I burst into tears, which made me so thankful for the rain.

After seven years, here we are again. The same question, the same pain. I lifted one of my hands to cover his, squeezing tightly as if I would drown without it.

“Harry,” I said softly, “read the invitation, please.”

He gave me a confused look as he held up that piece of paper again, and his eyes widened in sorrow. _Harriet_ , it written.

“Seven years, Harry. I’ve spent seven fucking years just to be in love with a name that sounds so like yours!”

I couldn’t help it anymore, even though Harry’s arm were wrapping around me tightly, I still tumbled down, falling helplessly on the ground.

“No! I don’t love her. She’s my friend, she’s nice and beautiful and everything but I can’t love her,” I poured out my words at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Why did you let me go just like that?! Shit, ’s fucking seven years, Harry! Do y’know what I’ve been through this whole time?!”

I cried out all the pain that has been stacking in my heart and weighting my chest for too long.

“I’m sorry, Eggsy.” He whispered in my ear. “I’m sorry.” A kiss on my cheek, “I’m sorry.” A kiss on my eye, “I’m so sorry, Eggsy. But please do believe that it wasn’t easy for me also.”

He leaned his forehead against mine, hands cupping my face.

“Eggsy, I love you.”

And the rain stopped.

“You are so beautiful, so smart and passionate. I have waited for years to say this and I have no intention to hold it back any longer. I love you, Eggsy, then and now.”

I looked at Harry attentively, the anxiety from my illusion standing at the crossroad rose in my chest. I couldn’t let him go again, I couldn’t bear this pain again. Seven years were more than enough.  

“I love you too, Harry,” I said, exposing my soul. “I have always loved you.”

My heart lightened as his face creased into a smile. He leaned in, narrowing the space between us.

“May I kiss you, Eggsy.” How I hated his gentleman’s manners.

“Oh quit it Harry.” I grabbed full fisted of his shirt and pulled him toward me, sealing our lips together.  

It was nothing like our first kiss. It was so content, unhurried and tasted so sweet. Our lips brushed against one another gently and impassionedly.  As we parted, Harry panted in wonderment and shudders trembled down my spine.

“I have to talk to Harriet.” I whispered on Harry’s lips, “apologize to her.”

“It’s very proper and mature of you to do that,” he said, “and I’ll go with you.”

I pushed him back slightly, remained a small distance between. “Y'sure ya want to do it?”

His hand brushed aside the soaked hair stuck to my forehead, tucked them behind my ear and stay lingering there.

“Yes, I am, Eggsy.” He kissed me again. “For you, anything, anywhere.”

 .

For a brief moment, I couldn’t hear a thing or say a word. Silence swallowed up the noise but it told me so much. I have no longer regretted missing seven years of us, because I knew we are having many of seven years to come. Sometimes, I still woke up in the middle of the night as a bad habit but I could go back to sleep right away, because there would be arms pulled me into a warm reassuring hug, and I would never, ever had to walk that crossroad alone.        

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was having a hard time when I wrote this so I'm really sorry for being such a negative impact. I have to admit that the ending was different from what I had planned but I just couldn't watch my Harry and baby Eggsy suffering, so yeah, I changed the ending at the last minute. I hope I somehow get it right.  
> Thanks for reading and please, let me know what you think!


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